From: davidson@sfsu.edu (Daniel Davidson)
Newsgroups: alt.religion.scientology
Subject: SCIENTOLOGY SUES REALITY; DEMANDS UNIVERSE
Date: 23 Aug 1995 04:07:47 GMT

 ** SCIENTOLOGY SUES REALITY; DEMANDS UNIVERSE AS SETTLEMENT **

 USP
 Dateline, Monday, August 29th 1995
 Whatastink, D.C.

        In a stunning development that sent shock waves through the
world's judicial community, Religious Technology Centre (RTC)
-- the putative holder of questionable trade secrets and copyrights 
generated by pulp fiction writer L. R. Hubbard -- filed suit at the 
World Court and the US Supreme Court against Reality for defamation,
general lack of cooperation, and back rent.

        "We have total control over matter, energy, space and time,"
said Bohonk Xertsi, an RTC spokesperson. "And we have diplomas
(suitable for framing) to prove it. We also have this handsome plaque
from the Newark Kiwanas Club, declaring us a philanthropic
organization." Pulling his aluminum foil hat over his brow Mr. Xertsi
asked, "What more proof could you possibly need?"

        "We are Gods, and Reality is getting in the way," continued
Mr. Xertsi. "This universe isn't big enough for both of us!"

        RTC, in a statement filed this morning, said it would drop all
legal action against Reality if RTC was granted total control over the
entire universe.

As of press time, Reality could not be reached for comment.