Subject: Xenu The Magazine: More Shit Newsgroups: alt.religion.scientology Organization: Prestige Elite(tm) Research Church of the SubGenius Keywords: Scamizdat Unixer Nobody@replay.com Fishman Lerma Leiby Erlich Klemesrud Vega Atack Kim Baker Berry Leipold Young Ward Armstrong Jacobson Greene Whitfield Behar Kisser Can/Cult Awareness Network Lawley Rogue Agent Capricorn Ray Russ/Pruss Damon Chetson Coates Abrahms Caberta Carto Cochran Swearinger O'Reilly Thetans OT Hubbard 1:49 pm, hour and a half after previous message. The Church's official Publicity Busybodies have been calling every fucker in sight, trying to find information on this 'Xenu' thingy. Mary Anderson *and* Melbourne's best housepainter, Brian Johnson ('researcher') -- so he does exist after all. Apparently, I should have approached the Church for comment (thought that was what they handed us on 9/9 -- the one pamphlet for the world approach indicates to *me* no wish to deal on a local level). Also, I'm apparently a terribly biased person and not to be trusted. (They tried to DA me to my own Head of Department! They seem to have zilch on me ... OK clams, I'll try to give you a few clues: ask around in Adelaide. C'mon, I want a NICE JUICY FAT D.A. so I can sue the living bejeezus out of you.) Er, well, yeah. I *am* biased. I have opinions. All journalism has a viewpoint, particularly the 'objective' journalism. Dealing fairly with the facts is quite reasonably possible with opinion, though. And if you didn't want me to be 'biased', then MAYBE YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE FUCKED ME AROUND IN THE FIRST PLACE. Substanceless legal harassment isn't an endearing trait, believe it or not. (Can't wait to trot out Ron's line about 'The law can be used very easily to harass ...' in court. Hmm yeah, think I'll add the relevant volume of the Red Vols [do I have that right?] to the court papers. That one'll go over a *storm*.) Look, church: there is no Central Committee. There is no Controller at the Heart Of It All. I really don't care about your freedom of religion. But your freedom to swing your fist of religion around ends at other people's noses. I look forward to not giving a shit about alt.religion.scientology. Hope it happens soon. I came here as a concerned Internet user (and, OK, the Pope's ritual humiliations of Milne were so goddamned hilarious I started getting interested). No other agenda. Then I got hassled personally. Now I'm REALLY pissed off. You know how I was nice and polite and well-spoken and willing to explain anything at great length to people on 9/9? Well, guess what: I'm like that to media as well. And on camera. And I'm a journalist, so I know something about what they want. The average Australian has indeed heard of Scientology, and knows them as a weird and nasty American cult. And *every* *single* *person* you failed to snare with a Poisonality Test fucking loathes you as well. The Australian public are RIPE for a negative story on Scientology. They'll EAT IT UP. You WILL see repeated calls for your re-banning. I'll actually be against those calls, because I understand that you are indeed a religion and that's your right. But a bit of the ol' harsh light of publicity never hurt anyone with a bit of moral rightness on their side. I am not at the office and have no plans to be. I'm here in my nice new North Melbourne residence dialing in. I am currently hard at work preparing press packs should they be *so* *goddamned* *unbelievably* *SCHTOOPID* as to pursue this one. Count on it, they will be that stoopid. It's in the thetans, y'know. You know it. I know it. The Church can see exactly what will happen publicity-wise in this affair -- they do have people with IQs there, y'know -- but it'll happen anyway. They HAVE to react this way. Ron told them to. Hey, anyone got the number for Aus '60 Minutes' or 'Current Affair'? Or 'Frontline', for that matter ... or 'The Simpsons' ... Hey, chuuuuurch ... come heeeere ... there's a nice Publicity Trap waiting for youuuu ... -- Reverend Doctor David Gerard, KoX, SP 4.03 (awaiting verification of SP 5) Prestige Elite(tm) Research Church of the SubGenius "Servicing the Prestige Elite(tm) since 1985!" OK, clams. You want war? You've got war. -- Please email ALL followups (crappy and thoroughly dysfunctional newsfeed). Personal visits from Scientologists will be greeted with extreme hostility and the vigilant attention of VUT Security, but personal physical violence *only* when appropriate, legal and called-for. gerdw@cougar.vut.edu.au (preferred); fun@suburbia.apana.org.au July 5, 1998, 7 AM. Saucers. End of the world. Your US$30 is your trip ticket.