Subject: ARSCC Report: Brisbane Org Weakened by Frequent Urination From: csmchapm@dingo.cc.uq.edu.au (Murray Chapman) Date: 1997/03/12 Message-ID: <5g58tt$k49$1@nargun.cc.uq.edu.au> Organization: University of Queensland Newsgroups: alt.religion.scientology Hi there [First, my apologies. The ARSCC was generous in their funding of my research, and my promised report is many months late.] The Detrioration of the Scientology Office in Brisbane, Australia It has come to the attention of many loyal ARS viewers that the Brisbane Org has been looking very shabby lately. Exhibit A: http://suburbia.net/~fun/scn/orgs/bris/bris4.gif [Picture of the side of the Brisbane Org] Note the rough brickwork. Note the gaping holes in the walls. The CoS is on the second floor of this building, and there have been anonymous reports of cracks in the interior walls and a general air of dilapidation of the building. Setting out to investigate, I determined the reason. Across the road and up a bit from the Org stands "The Victory", an old-style Brisbane pub. For the non-Australians, let me descibe what this would look like. Imagine a vintage 1960's bar, with beige tiled floors, a large serving area, reprobates on stools, and a distinct odor of stale urine. Out the back is a "beer garden", where the more intoxicated and rowdy patrons are encouraged to drink/grope/vomit. Every Friday and Saturday night the place is absolutely *packed* with drunken louts. And no wonder: until a law was passed, this was the place that advertised "All you can drink for 30 minutes - $10". This is the place where you buy beer by the jug, and don't bother with the glass. At about 11pm it closes, and the last of the drunks are rolled out of the door. It is now that you realize why they have tiled floors and walls: out comes the firehose, and all the assorted broken glass, beer, urine, and vomit is washed down the drain. Examining Exhibit A again, you will notice that in front of the Org's brick wall (and behind the telephone booth) is a vacant lot. This is prime city real estate, currently used as a carpark. At the end of a hard night's drinking, all able-bodied drunks amble in the general direction of the designated driver's car; if it happens to be in this particular carpark, they will be right slap bang next to the Brisbane Org. Now, as anyone who has ever been designated driver will tell you, herding a bunch of drunks is a time-consuming and difficult task - they keep wandering off. The more well-behaved (or more inebriated) are inevitable propped against the car or a nearby wall while the recalcitrants are rounded up. Boredom and nausea invariably set in. The alcohol delays the reactions of drunks, so that it is only now that the change from sitting to standing plus the application of cold air to various parts of the anatomies triggers a basic, primal urge. I witnessed this recently: several obvious drunks, leaning up against the wall of the Church of Scientology, emptying either their stomachs or their bladders against the foundations. It brought tears to my eyes. So, there you have it: proof that the Church of Scientology is pissed on regularly. Murray -- -- Murray Chapman Zheenl Punczna -- -- muzzle@cs.uq.oz.au zhmmyr@pf.hd.bm.nh -- -- University of Queensland Havirefvgl bs Dhrrafynaq -- -- Brisbane, Australia Oevfonar, Nhfgenyvn --