From: doe1thru5@aol.com (Doe1thru5) Newsgroups: alt.religion.scientology Subject: Re: FLASH! Scientology Attacks Santa! Date: 22 Dec 1997 20:25:37 GMT Lines: 71 Message-ID: <19971222202500.PAA04913@ladder02.news.aol.com> NNTP-Posting-Host: ladder02.news.aol.com X-Admin: news@aol.com Organization: AOL http://www.aol.com References: <67m688$iq7@drn.zippo.com> From: rayr@delete.these.fields.ezlink.com > Sylvia Stanard, a spokesperson for Scientology said, "This man has a >history of breaking into peoples homes in the middle of the night. He wears >this costume all the time, and we want to know what he's hiding. We're >investigating it right now as a matter of fact." > >Santa could not be reached for comment. UPDATE: The Santa Defense Fund In a hotly debated ARSCC(wdne) fellow-travellers subcommittee emergency session, thin crust was voted for by a margin of 1, with thick crust advocates demanding Coke not Pepsi in compromise, and the meeting proceeded to consider whether Santa is in fact on the OSA payroll. 1) He seems to promise everything you could ask for, and then delivers whatever he feels like, including unrequested socks. View A: This so closely resembles the bait-n-switch tactics of the clams that if Santa isn't a clam himself he's likely to be an ally of the CoS. The right to bait-n-switch must be protected by people using it, and so Santa is susceptible to being a deployable agent of the OSA. At the very least he will seek to be an apologist. View B: Let's not get into another who-is-OSA round, please. 2) OSA has a history of trying to make people seem superficially opposed to the CoS, but then announce things that help the CoS escape liability for their crimes. Seeming to be a supporter of Christmas cheer would seem to be in opposition to the Grinch that steals your families Christmas Savings Account. View A: That Sylvia tries to sheep dip Santa, but the pickets have NOT in fact occurred, indicates that he's really their black bag operator. View B: Since we've run out of thin crust, we should reorder thick now. We're still hungry. View C: Whether or not Santa has committed crimes, if he shows that he's NOT willing to deliver Nice presents to CoS and OSA people, he's obviously more an asset than a liability. A Defense Fund should be started. If he delivers Nice presents to DM, we'll know his true colors. We should wait until New Years to decide. 3) For someone who knows who is naughty and who is nice, travels the world, and has the means to deliver anywhere, what is Clean Gene the Harassin' Machine doing still at large rather than dropped down the chimney of a Florida police station? View A: Santa is a bit of White Powder oriented himself, if you look at where he lives. View B: Santa is human. He can't nab Gene anymore than passport control officials, who should know he's wanted. RESOLVED: By the ARSCC(wdne) FT subcommittee, Dominos will not be patronized again, and if a Numero Uno is nearby they will get serious contemplation for the next meeting. Thin or thick crust will not be debated until the next session, in the interest of focusing on the real matter at hand. A Santa Defense fund will not be established until we see whether DM got a Naughty or Nice present, which will be determined by the rant that gets the most applause, unless a longer thread shows a consensus that this should be determined according to an objective estimate of what DM SHOULD have gotten. However, if Santa posts "Xenu Brings Order" to ars, that will be determinative, since a CoS agent would never do so. UNRESOLVED BUSINESS FOR REGULAR SESSION: Is Jody a stinking bitch for eating more than her share of za?